bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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