I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
