i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
