2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
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I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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