Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
