we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
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I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
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Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just high enough for therapy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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