fuck your aforementioned shoe
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
