hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
