Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
