Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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