I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
