508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
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The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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