Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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