My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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