Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
