Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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