the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
