Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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