This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
