I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
this will be a night to untag.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
