Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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