Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
