i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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