Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
