I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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