At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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