I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
