i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
