I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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