your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
