the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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