420 ftw
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
