Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
