If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
