remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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