it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
