I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
