Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
