Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
