Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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