Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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