im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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