So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
