i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
