yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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