I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
