he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
