I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
