hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
