i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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