why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
