no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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