This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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