Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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