Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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