he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
