I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
