Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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