one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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