i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
